I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize