I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
