Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just found a bag of teeth...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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