Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
