I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
