Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
