I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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