then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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