he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize