I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
