Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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