Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
