Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
