he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize