would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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