i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
