yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
