you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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