I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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