The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
