it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
