Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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