cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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