Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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