He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
