I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize