Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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