Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
