My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
