I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
