Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The uberlube is also flammable
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
