I think my vagina is haunted
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
