All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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