so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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