my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
