Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
