She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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