I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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