New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
