is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
