tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
