We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my liver is dry heaving
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
