someone threw a dead crab at me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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