Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
