I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
