you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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