on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
