I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
