he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
