dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize