If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
