I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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