matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
