I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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