Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
