I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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