I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
