6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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