I looked at my own cervix.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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