somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
