wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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