I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
