____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
