from now on my penis is your penis
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
