no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
