I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
