Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
