i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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